One Jewish Boy Read online

  ALEX. That why you’re up?

  JESSE. Did I wake you?

  ALEX. You weren’t there.

  JESSE. I didn’t want to wake you.

  ALEX. Well done…

  JESSE. Sorry.

  ALEX takes the vape. Inhales. Passes it back. He inhales.

  (On his out breath.) You can see in that window over there.

  ALEX. You’re perving on the guests…

  JESSE. It’s a dude.

  ALEX. You sure you’re not bi?

  Beat. He shakes his head, she’s an idiot…

  ALEX. I don’t like waking up without you.

  JESSE. I’m waiting for the Benylin to kick in.

  ALEX. Exactly how much Benylin?

  JESSE. Enough.

  ALEX. What’s enough?

  JESSE. It’s quiet isn’t it?

  ALEX. What’s enough, Jesse?

  JESSE. Not enough to worry about.

  You think you’d hear more stuff though…

  We’re in the East Village.

  ALEX. It’s two o’clock.

  JESSE. It sold me as the city that never sleeps…

  Beat. He’s an idiot…

  ALEX. What you down about?

  JESSE. I never said down.

  ALEX. You never have to.

  JESSE. Nothing. Really.

  ALEX. Ah. That.

  The pits…

  ALEX. It sucks.

  JESSE. It sucks balls.

  ALEX. One of the seven circles of hell.

  JESSE. I’m Jewish, we don’t believe in hell.

  ALEX. You don’t believe in hell?

  JESSE. Patriarchal Christian fabrication contrived solely to establish a ruling clerical elite to manipulate, divide – women/the poor/infirmed/sexuality spectrums, et cetera, and dominate.

  ALEX. Isn’t that all religion?

  JESSE (nods). Also taxation.

  Beat.

  ALEX. Ennui…

  JESSE. Now who’s got the posh words?

  ALEX. Je suis bilingue…

  JESSE. Why is your French so shit? Didn’t you used to live in Paris?

  ALEX. Fuck you. I’m fluent.

  He considers. Smiles.

  Are you down…?

  Considers. Smiles.

  JESSE. Probably.

  ALEX. We can fuck if you want.

  JESSE. I feel a bit sick actually.

  ALEX. What you eat?

  JESSE. I tried to vomit before but I just retched a bit…

  ALEX. I’m fully prepared to punch you in the stomach if you need…

  JESSE. Thanks?

  ALEX. That’s how much I love you.

  JESSE. That’s probably quite sweet.

  She grins. She is.

  ALEX. What you reading…?

  JESSE presents the phone – it’s the Rightmove app.

  JESSE. You know a studio in Greenpoint costs six-fifty?

  ALEX. You want to move to Brooklyn?

  JESSE. I feel like it’s safer for Jews in Brooklyn.

  ALEX. What about the mixed-raced woman?

  JESSE. You’d be fine.

  ALEX. Why?

  Well I wouldn’t put it that –

  ALEX. You know how infuriating and bullshit the perception of white fucken privilege – it’s offensive. Don’t say that to me. I’m mixed race.

  JESSE. But people don’t always know that you’re –

  ALEX. And people don’t always know that you’re Jewish. And then they do. And then every single bit of that white fucken privilege just goes… And you know how that feels – you know yesterday?…

  JESSE. Yeah?…

  ALEX. When I went to the 711, on wotsit and I picked up this magazine – a black hair magazine – the security guard clocked it… suddenly made sense with my hair and my features but my skin – he just followed me round –

  JESSE. That was probably cos you’re hot.

  ALEX. That does not make it any better – because it’s okay to keep telling me keep telling me how good I look? Because it’s okay to say to someone – well done on your face…? I mean cheers mate but it had nothing to do wiv me…

  JESSE. Yeah. It’s fucking bullshit.

  ALEX. It is fucken bullshit.

  JESSE. And we’re gonna rise up against those fuckers…

  ALEX. Yes we are…! And then we’re gonna smash white privilege.

  JESSE. And the patriarchy.

  ALEX. Fuck the fucken patriarchy.

  JESSE. Fuck them all… who wants to spend six hundred and fifty thousand dollars on a studio in Brooklyn anyway?

  ALEX. A little bit…

  JESSE. I think I’m a bit obsessed with Rightmove.

  We’re not married.

  JESSE. Yet…

  ALEX. Yet.

  JESSE. Get married if you want…

  She considers.

  ALEX. Only if we can honeymoon in Washington.

  JESSE. It’s not quite Cuba but I’m listening.

  ALEX. Prince. June.

  JESSE. We’re not getting married in June!

  ALEX. Oh you’ve decided?

  JESSE (laughs, nods). My favourite chats are the ones when you don’t really say anything.

  ALEX. Isn’t that all of them?

  ALEX looks at the window JESSE was looking through and nods.

  Oh, he’s back.

  JESSE. What do you think they’re saying?

  ALEX. They’re watching TV

  JESSE. Think it’s porn…?

  ALEX. No…

  JESSE. That is fully porn…

  ALEX. It’s Netflix and chill at best…

  JESSE. I’m way too old for Netflix and chill.

  ALEX. Salut…

  JESSE. I want a Virgin bundle and commitment.

  ALEX. Less STDs.

  JESSE. Fewer.

  ALEX. I’m from Peckham. It’s fine.

  JESSE. Ohmygod, Amy at work got crabs.

  ALEX. Shamey Amy?

  JESSE. How do you think she got the name…?

  ALEX. I think getting crabs at this point in life would be well grim.

  JESSE. Totally.

  But Aids is way grimmer.

  ALEX. And now you’re joking about Aids.

  JESSE. There’s no shampoo for Aids.

  ALEX. Lovely…

  JESSE. We can go to Washington if you like.

  ALEX. I’m in.

  JESSE. You’re not the only Prince fan in the room…

  ALEX. No?

  JESSE. I love Prince.

  ALEX. Name three Prince albums…

  She takes the vape back.

  ALEX. It’s proper pissing it down isn’t it?

  JESSE. It’s nice.

  It was nice before watching you dozing.

  ALEX. Because that’s not weird.

  Smiles. Drift off again into a long beat.

  JESSE. I realised we missed candles.

  ALEX. Oh shit. Yes. Happy Chanukah! You want to light it now?

  JESSE. Can you be bothered?

  ALEX. Fun fact. I can always be bothered.

  JESSE. Noted.

  ALEX. I love Jew Christmas.

  He goes inside.

  ALEX in thought.

  She wraps the blanket tighter.

  Leaves it a moment. Looks after him.

  Moves to where he was sitting. Picks up his phone.

  Unlocks it.

  Scrolls.

  Is looking off every now and then.

  Taps as she reads.

  Her reaction: Bingo!

  Beat as she reads. Then…

  Her reaction: Heartbreak.

  Lets the phone drop in her hand a little.

  Exhales deeply.

  Looks off.

  Quickly locks and replaces phone.

  Moves back to where she was sitting.

  Pulls the blanket further up around herself.

  Beat as she fights tears.

  JESSE walks back out.

  Immediately over-breezy…

 
; JESSE. You’re cold…

  ALEX. I’m fine.

  He sets up the Chanukiah.

  Two candles – one on the far right of the Chanukiah. And he holds the other.

  Helps me feel…

  He stops for a second. Beat.

  Then he lights the Shamash candle.

  JESSE. Ba-ruch A-tah Ado-nai, E-lo-he-nu Me-lech ha-olam. A-sher ki-de-sha-nu be-mitz-vo-tav, ve-tzi-va-nu le-had-lik. Ner shel Cha-nu-kah.

  Ba-ruch A-tah Ado-nai, E-lo-he-nu Me-lech Ha-olam. She-a-sa ni-sim la-avo-te-nu ba-ya-mim ha-hem bi-zman ha-zeh.

  He lights the candle, looks at the light through his fingers.

  ALEX watches on.

  Ba-ruch A-tah Ado-nai, E-lo-he-nu Me-lech Ha-olam. She-heche-ya-nu, ve-ki-yi-ma-nu, ve-higi-a-nu liz-man ha-zeh.

  ALEX. Happy Chanukah…

  He kisses her.

  JESSE. Your gift’s inside…

  ALEX. I hope it’s a pony.

  JESSE. Maybe it’s Prince tickets.

  ALEX. Then I’ll marry you.

  He smiles, starts humming ‘Maoz Tzur’ quietly to himself.

  Beat, as he does.

  You know we met three years ago today?

  JESSE. Today today?

  ALEX. Saturday today.

  Beat. He considers.

  JESSE. How do you even remember that?

  ALEX. I’m perfect…

  JESSE. Oui.

  You’re wrong though.

  Well technically you’re absolutely right…

  But you’re wrong.

  ALEX. It was the first night of Chanukah.

  JESSE. Chanukah moves. Hebrew calendar…

  Lunar. It was later… so we’re a couple of weeks off…

  ALEX. Fucken moon.

  JESSE. But it’s our Jewy-versary and that’s important too.

  ALEX. So, we should celebrate…

  JESSE. Have we got any champagne?

  ALEX. I’m from Peckham.

  JESSE. I don’t know if that means we have champagne or not…

  ALEX. It means I’m too cool to drink champagne.

  He leans down and kisses her.

  JESSE. I was reading about Gaza…

  ALEX. Why are you reading about Gaza…?

  JESSE. Cos every time it kicks off in Gaza…

  ALEX. That was months ago –

  JESSE. I needed some distance before I could bear to look at it…

  ALEX. Fair.

  JESSE. And I was reading about those boys…

  ALEX. What boys?

  JESSE. Like three fifteen-year-old boys old American settler boys who were kidnapped and murdered –

  ALEX. You can’t murder fifteen-year-olds –

  JESSE. In fairness some Palestinian kid was killed first and this was a –

  ALEX. Someone just needs to lock them all in a room until they sort it out –

  JESSE. Well yes… but then like months later, like all these synagogues and mosques and stuff came together and had vigils for the all the kids that had been killed…

  ALEX. That’s beautiful…

  JESSE. It’s emotive… sure –

  ALEX. It’s more than emotive…

  It’s affecting…

  The solidarity of the human spirit.

  JESSE. It shouldn’t take a pyscho, and the murdering of innocent kids to –

  Unify.

  ALEX. Well there are nutters everywhere…

  JESSE. Well yes.

  ALEX. People are capable of some well fucked-up shit…

  I was in Cannes once…

  JESSE. Fancy.

  ALEX. I was working an event, and then this one day I went down to the beach cos I had the late shift and I’d clocked this guy – on the boulevard and he looked harmless enough. And I found a nice spot on the beach… but cos I’d spotted him again, I chose a spot that was between this family and then a group of mates smoking weed.

  JESSE. I can see where this is going?

  ALEX. You think?

  And I’m lying down, on my front and I feel a shadow you know which is weird cos there is not a cloud in the sky and I look up and he’s there and I’m thinking why are you behind me, but I don’t say anything cos I never say anything. I’m just thinking stay over there and perv from afar mate and I turn back over, on my front and the next thing you know, completely out of nowhere cos I haven’t even spoken to the twat, he just licks me.

  JESSE. What?

  ALEX. Told you…

  JESSE. That’s fucking –

  Where did he lick you?

  ALEX. My bum…

  What were you wearing?

  ALEX. It shouldn’t matter what I was wearing. I could lie here naked if I wanted to.

  JESSE. No I mean… skin, or did he just lick the material or what?

  ALEX. Skin.

  My bum. He licked my bum.

  JESSE. Like the side or between the –

  ALEX. The side but still it doesn’t –

  JESSE. I mean fucking hell Alex… What did you do?

  ALEX. Nothing.

  Not a fucken –

  I looked around and no one even gave a shit cos no one saw and he just gave me this grin and it became clear to me I had nobody – so I just –

  JESSE. Why are you telling me this?

  ALEX. Cos we’re talking about nutters Jesse…

  And I I know it feels sometimes that it’s discriminate but I wonder if there’s just something really fucken…

  I dunno…

  Sick.

  In the human soul… so women, gays, I dunno… different ethnicities, Jews… I mean anything that isn’t white and male is just –

  JESSE. I hear you. And on one level you’re absolutely right.

  But I’m not sure it’s the same thing.

  It is discriminate.

  There’s a special level of hatred –

  ALEX. Yes. The hatred of the ‘other’ is pretty fucken –

  JESSE. Kind of but still every seventy years…

  ALEX. Seventy what?

  JESSE. Bang.

  Pograms. Expulsions… The Shoah.

  It’s just the start.

  No other people in history have ever been so hated, so constantly…

  Time to fuck up the Jews.

  And I was talking to my therapist and –

  ALEX. Wait… you’re in therapy?

  JESSE. Isn’t everyone?

  ALEX. No.

  JESSE. Maybe you should think about it…

  ALEX. And why do you even need therapy?

  JESSE (they’ve been here before). Jew shit.

  ALEX. That’s not a thing, Jesse.

  JESSE. It’s kind of a thing…

  Beat. She smiles, raised eyebrows.

  Okay. Fine.

  Inherited trauma.

  Isn’t that a bit self-indulgent…?

  JESSE. It depends how you’re defining.

  ALEX. Indulgently…

  JESSE. Is self-indulgence a bad thing?

  It’s pretty selfish.

  JESSE. It’s not like self-obsession for instance… and I feel like it’s really important we make the distinction –

  ALEX. And I feel like it’s time for bed.

  JESSE. – that in and of itself, self-indulgence is probably pretty healthy.

  ALEX. Inherited trauma feels pretty self-indulgent.

  I mean, how far do we go back?

  JESSE. Jew shit is an actual thing Alex. And you need to be sensitive to it.

  ALEX. The potato famine? And I’m sensitive to it.

  JESSE. Oh come on –

  ALEX. Okay.

  Slavery.

  JESSE. Sure.

  Yes. Slavery – slavery was like yes the worst and you would be / fully justified in –

  ALEX. But I refuse to let any of that get in the way of –

  JESSE. And that’s brilliant and I wish I was able to –

  ALEX. Look, so I’m thinking about leaving work.

  I want to go it alone…
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br />   JESSE. What?

  ALEX. Start-up. Consult as I build up.

  JESSE. We’re talking about –

  ALEX. I’ve always wanted my own events company.

  It’s time.

  JESSE. Wait. Slow down.

  The beat is miniscule but it’s there.

  I’ve worked it out and I think that within –

  JESSE. It’s gonna be more difficult to get a mortgage if you don’t have a regular salary, Alex.

  ALEX. I think it might be better.

  JESSE. You do?

  ALEX. I think within two years I could be doubling my income.

  JESSE. Two years? I don’t wanna live in that shitty shared house for two more years –

  ALEX. The amount of money we pay for contractors – there are people doing the equivalent of my job for two, three times as much.

  JESSE. And they’re just gonna what? Let you leave and then hire you as contractor?

  ALEX. They’ve opened up voluntary redundancy. I’ve been there seven years, we’re looking at between fifteen and twenty grand. It’s enough to get set up and build a client base and most of them will come with me… so –

  JESSE. I’m not sure Alex…

  ALEX. You don’t have to be.

  JESSE. There’s a lot for us to think about before you –

  ALEX. It’s my career.

  JESSE. That’s not fair. It’s our life…

  ALEX. I’m signing it all off when we get back.

  JESSE. And you were gonna tell me –

  ALEX. I’m telling you…

  JESSE. Okay…

  Okay…

  ALEX. I need you to support this.

  It’s exciting.

  It’s next level…

  JESSE. No. Next level. Yeah.

  I’m gonna piss.

  ALEX. Sexy.

  JESSE. Among certain sub-communities…

  He gets up… Starts to walk inside.

  ALEX. We should go out… Celebrate.

  JESSE. Out…?

  ALEX. When was the last time we went out?

  JESSE. Outside?

  ALEX. To a club…

  JESSE. I’m nearly thirty!

  ALEX. Let’s go out. Throw some shapes. Get all geometric.

  JESSE. I’ve got a blister…!

  ALEX. I thought you had a headache…?

  JESSE. Is a blister sexier…?

  ALEX. We’re in New York!

  JESSE. Someone told me once that Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is about cocaine. You ever hear that?

  ALEX. No…

  JESSE. It’s supposed to be about the seven stages you go through or something…

  ALEX. Where do you find this shit?

  JESSE. On coke. Apparently.

  ALEX. Do you have coke?

  Can we have coke?